Hedgehog says "Kale sucks, you weirdos"

OK, first off it's a plant. Gross! What's up with you humans and eating decorative plants people grow by their mailboxes? You kill a plant and you think you're saving an animal, but you're killing a home for like 20 delicious bugs, you goofs! I eat those bugs! Geez! It's the circle of life for crying out loud! If this doesn't make sense, you seriously need to re-watch the Lion King a couple of times and get your food choices together.

Instead of a kale, I recommend some of those yummy potato bugs that sometimes hang out by the kale. It should be easy to wean onto them, since they sound like a vegetable. Then you can stop pretending to like eating that gross plant.