The new standards don't really make sense, but neither did our willingness to ever do them.
In attempt to make the Crossfit Games both easier to judge, and more enjoyable as a spectator sport, a series of new movement standards were released.
Burpees - Athletes shall get down in the push-up position, with chest making contact with ground. They shall get up on their feet, having a balanced foot. Then athletes shall jump no less than 5 centimeters in the air, clapping hands overhead. Upon landing, athletes shall say, "Thank you sir! May I have another?" Should an athlete fail to recite this phrasing, the rep shall not be counted. Should an athlete accidentally recite a Kevin Bacon quote from Footloose, it shall count as a negative rep. Athletes will then need to do 2 correct repetitions to make up for it.
Dumbbell Snatches - The dumbbell must start with both sides of the weight touching the ground. Athletes must start in a squatting position. Before moving out of the squatting position, athletes shall say, "By the power of Gray Skull..." After saying this phrasing, athletes shall then explode upward, thrusting the dumbbell overhead. Upon full extension, athletes are required to yell, "I HAVE THE POWER!!!" Should the athlete fail to yell this, the rep shall not be counted. Should lightning strike the athlete, transforming them into He-Man (or She-Ra), that athlete wins Crossfit.
Deadlifts - Deadlifts will no longer be touch'n'go, since some plates are bouncier than others. Athletes shall start in the standing position. They will crouch down and grip the weight. They will then pick up the weight, standing with hips fully extended. Athletes must lower barbell back to the ground, without dropping. Athletes shall then stand back up and do "the floss" dance step. When flossing, each fist must pass behind the athlete's body once in order for the rep to count. If the athlete does not know how to floss, the athlete apparently does not know how to deadlift, now do they?
Abmat Sit-ups - This movement has always been boring and difficult to judge. Athletes shall start lying on their back, with arms fully extended touching the ground behind them. They shall then sit up and reach forward, touching the ground in front of their feet. After every 5 repetitions, the athlete shall stop and "dab". Athletes should alternate the direction in which they "dab". Should an athlete "dab" to the same side two 5-rep segments in a row, the last 5 reps shall not count.
Many athletes have not taken well to these new movement standards, which seem to clearly favor the spectator. Many crossfit fans believe this to be a game changer, claiming disbelief that Mat Fraser and Rich Froning can do the floss. Katrín Davíðsdóttir, on the other hand, looks like she does this sort of thing in here sleep.
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