Hedgehog not impressed with Kipchoge's 1:59:40 marathon

Everyone is all up in arms this man ran a marathon in under 2 hours. Nonsense! As a hedgehog, I am not impressed. Here I am, logging 25-30 miles per week, and I'm doing it with 2 inch legs! I'm working a 6:40 mile. This guy, standing 5'6" and his 30" legs. Oh but his magic Nike 4% shoes. Try having 1400% longer legs, you goofs!

The nerve of some people. Us hedgehogs are still bitter from when the Pennsylvania dutch took our job and gave it to Punxsutawny Phil. He doesn't even run, lazy old bag. We get zero notoriety for our efforts. Sure, there was that video game character, but did you see the previews for that monstrosity of a film? The only time hedgehogs are blue is when they're sad that clown is their only link to significance in pop culture. Now if you don't mind, I'm late for running on my wheel.