First off, he's blue! No hedgehog in the history of hedgehoggery is blue! Hedgehogs vary in in shades of brown and gray. I'm Algerian gray. I'm not segagenesisian blue. How am I supposed to compete with that? Do you expect me to start dying my quills? I'm not submerging myself in a pool of chemicals to meet your physical expectations! I'm adorable just the way I am!
Another thing, Sonic is like 3 feet tall, bipedal and wears running shoes and Mickey-Mouse gloves. Hello? Evolution? Can you get me a pair of opposable thumbs? I need to tie these sneakers and then fit into these gloves. His trademark of standing with one arm akimbo and the other hand giving a thumbs up isn't even anatomically correct, you goofs!
Stop telling my parents they should've named me Sonic! I'm Reggie. I'm not some blue abomination that the animation studio had to delay release for an entire year to completely redo! Unlike this clown, my parents got me right on the first try. By the way, Sonic's real name is "Maurice."
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